1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize