I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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