He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize