Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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