btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
