Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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