How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
