I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize