don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
