Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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