We won't sleep together?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
