Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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