Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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