i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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