i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
