It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
