It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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