so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
