I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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