I hate all girls vehemently.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
