i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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