you would pick up someone in the library
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
