you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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