I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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