We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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