she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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