Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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