they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my being single is dangerous.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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