I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Houston, we have a blender
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goatâ€
Randomize
