I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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