We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
