he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
