i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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