Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
