I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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