so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize