and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
