Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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