she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
