i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
