Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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