He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
