I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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