i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
