So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize