I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize