Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
