Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
