you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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