? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
