So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
