Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
