I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
