Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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