my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
