??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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