Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize