guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
