remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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