I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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