Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
