I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
