We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
