I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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