we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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