today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize