my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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