my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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